I think I finally sort of get “white guilt” now.
Let me rewind back just a touch. As the various men who have sexually assaulted various women have been revealed, I’ve felt different shades of discomfort. I wrote about it in this post about Joss Whedon and my own fears.
It still hurts me to think that Joss — a guy I would point to as one of the good ones– is most likely a womanizing piece of shit. He was one of my heroes.
Kevin Spacey was one of my favorite actors. That one hits hard, too. I’m not even sure I can enjoy The Usual Suspects now, and that’s one of my absolute favorite films.
Adding in Louis CK and seeing him admit it and then watching his career fall to bits is just… surreal. I mean I know anyone could do these sorts of things. Trust me– I know. But sometimes there are just a few people you think might be decent, might be people you can put your faith in.
But a weird side effect of all of this is that I think I “get” white guilt now. Not saying I understand it completely mind you, but I think I GET it. Each time I hear about another man doing something sexually awful (a Miami student was convicted this week– he was in Julie’s class last year), I feel this odd sense of shame mixed with responsibility, like somehow because I am also a male I am somehow part of what is happening.
It’s a sad feeling, and in a way I resent– in a totally selfish way– that other men have put people like me in this position.
It also, though, hammers home to me how dangerous it is just being alive. I have a number of female students (more female students than male in the program where I teach). I am super careful about when I’m alone with any of them– male or female– but given the way people’s worlds are collapsing, one wrong comment, one accusation… what could it do?
And if an accusation came, how could I ever judge someone taking it as legit? There are awful men in the world.
It’s just sad.
Sometimes I want to reassure a student, offer a hug, whatever. I don’t. Not because I don’t feel the inclination but rather because I don’t want to ever even approach that line.
We live in a sick world. I am sad to know that someone else I’ve thought of as a hero will fall. It’s inevitable.