Full disclosure– this might seem like a self-pity post. It’s not. Believe me, it’s not. But it’s a sad set of memories.
Growing up, X-mas was a real hit/miss thing for me. For one thing, the one night a year I usually saw my father was X-mas Eve, which I’d spend with his family, most of the members of which I didn’t know. The only other kids were very, very different from me. It was usually extremely uncomfortable.
X-mas morning was fun, not just because as a kid it’s fun to get gifts but because of how fun it can be to try to pick a good gift for someone, to make them smile. It’s not about receiving, really (of course who doesn’t mind a good gift?) but rather about showing people that you care.
X-mas morning was always followed by going to see my mother’s family, walking into a multiple-hours-long argument that could never be solved.
When my mom got divorced from my step-dad, she also quit speaking to her family (that’s a long story, and a sad story), but we couldn’t afford to have X-mas. No tree. No presents. Well, very small presents. But we got to have a peaceful day together.
Now that I can sort-of afford X-mas, it matters to me, and it matters to my mother, because all either of us wanted was peace and happiness, and we can have that now. I’m looking at our tree now, here in the home Julie and I have made for ourselves. There were a number of sad X-mases, with fights, with strife. One year I had to move on X-mas day because my landlord wouldn’t refill the fuel oil and we were going to freeze. I’ve seen some stuff. I’m going to enjoy NOT being back there.
Life isn’t perfect. There are always problems. Sometimes money is tight. Sometimes there’s stress. It’s going to be that way.
But there’s no reason not to be happy when you can. If you’re in love with misery, you live in the right decade, but the whole acting out about it in public is getting tiresome. We get it, you feel like you’re suffering. People my age– the GenXers– we sort of patented and wore out that one, which we stole from our parents, who probably stole it from their parents. You’re not suffering because there’s X-mas muzak playing at Wal-Mart. You chose to go to WAL-FUCKING-MART. You’re like the guy who comes out of Snakes on a Plane and bitches about the movie. What did you think you were getting?
This past year, with all the political happenings, with my changing role at work (for the better), with Julie’s family being strange and sort of distant, I’ve watched the world get harder, ruder. It seems like now it’s “the style” to be a hater, to be mean, to be demanding, to be demeaning. It’s getting old fast.
I am going to have a good X-mas. I don’t know what’s up with everyone else, but life is way better for me than it was for the 7-or-so years that I couldn’t do X-mas. It’s better than it was for the 3 years after I got my job out of grad school and couldn’t even afford furniture, let alone a tree and gifts. Life isn’t bad.
So if you’re one of those “I hate the holidays” types, with all due respect, shove it up your ass. I get it if you don’t like buying presents, if you don’t want to be with your family, etc. I understand that, honestly, I do. But if you can’t figure out a way to be happy, stop spreading misery. I’ve seen like ten people on Facebook this week– just in my friends feed– do this whole song-and-dance about consumerism and X-mas, which is fine, but they’re the people who post about their new iPhones and having the newest video games and post pictures of their meals and name drop “Starbucks” in their complaints about people being too loud so we know they drink overpriced coffee (I do, too– but I don’t go writing songs about it). Seriously, people, you live in a consumer whore society. Don’t target a day that people enjoy, and don’t try to wring the happiness out of people who are trying.
Whoever decided it was cool to be an asshole should look at what hateful people did to our country. Do you want to stand with that guy? You want to make this place worse?
#happyGrump