One of the members of my PhD committee, Bill Hart-Davidson, was the guy who I turned to when I needed a voice of calm reason during my dissertation writing process. He always managed to see what it was I was attempting to say and could mirror it back to me in a way that allowed me to reach clarity.
So this week, he posted this. And to be honest, I agree with the general tenor of it. But I think we all need to be realistic about the issue of what college campuses provide. Bill correctly talks about inertia on college campuses, but I think the contradiction this places on the more uplifting message he suggests speaks to the problems we have in the academy.
I am fully convinced that academics in general believe that we create a haven for inclusion and for diverse ideas. I think almost anyone you ask who is not a contrary educator will claim that is what we do. That belief is as widespread among us as the “liberal professor” stereotype is among non-academics.
I call what Bill labels as inertia “the lie.”
I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. I don’t think it’s a deception that is actively cultivated. It is an artifice built long ago that still exists in an age when it seems so antiquated that no one could buy in.
There’s a very clear sense of what the Academy as a sentient collective thinks it is. There’s also an implicit belief that the Academy is composed of a very specific sort of scholar. When you are not that scholar (which I am not, which my wife is not for a different reason, which many of the students I have worked with are not for myriad reasons), you have three real options given to you:
1) be the “token” version of what you are, the person who is expected to study what you are and to be the expert on what you are.
2) To allow the system’s lack of understanding of what you are to silence you.
or
3) Fight.
Again, I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. I just fear that so many people are suddenly starting to see injustices due to the weird moves made at the national level, but don’t realize that it isn’t new to face the fear of being silenced, minimized, or pushed aside. It’s been happening to a number of us for years and years.
And there are only a few choices. Sometimes you have to take it, because as my mother pointed out to me today, no one wants to hear me talking about the wrongs against people like me. It looks selfish, even though it’s usually not about me. I’m thinking about the next person like me. The student in my class who feels like leaving school because of the way they are treated are the reason I can’t be silent.
Sometimes, you have to turn it around and find a space of resistance and forge alliances. You have to find your place.
And sometimes… sometimes… you have to fight.
I have never felt safe in academia. My attempts to secure a position after graduating with my PhD were extremely tumultuous. At one point I didn’t have enough money to make rent, a scary prospect given that I take care of my mother, too. Once I landed in a job, I had to live on $20 for a month and a half as I waited for my first check. Summers are insanely tight. It’s not because I’m bad with money. It’s because of how much money the person I am was afforded.
I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not trying to sound like I’m some sort of hero. I went to work, I did my job. I knew what I was getting into.
But the reality is that I didn’t see the academy as the welcoming place that was interested in new ideas during my job search. In fact I didn’t feel like anyone really “got” what it was I was trying to do as a professional until I wound up working with the Armstrong Institute for Interactive Media Studies, almost by chance when I was loaned out by the department that hired me initially and was soon joint-appointed. The reason why I fit now isn’t that hard to understand; the AIMS philosophy is to embrace ideas and attempt to innovate with creative multi-disciplinary forward looking pedagogies. And to focus on making stuff. It was the place where a cultural rhetorician who does game design and talks about mascots and issues of identity fit. I’m very happy with my job now.
But I’m still not sure I feel safe. I often worry when I want to share ideas like what I’m sharing in this post because it feels dangerous. It’s been labeled dangerous before. People don’t want to hear it when you try to explain to them that in spite of the narrative about how open and idyllic the academy is as a trading place for ideas, there are people so entrenched in disciplines that if you’re not a foot soldier for a school of thought, you’re either a threat (at best) or a nuisance (at worst).
It’s been time to fight for the image we all try to claim is the reality of education for a long time. I’m glad that now many others are ready to stand up, but let’s not pretend this is a new issue.
Most of my favorite scholars, and favorite students, have been fighting the stereotype for years. I’ve never had a jacket with elbow patches. I never wore wingtips. I am not an expert on one scholar or one school of thought. I had to work multiple jobs and take on insane debt to earn the name “Dr. Phill.”
I’ve been over here with most of the people I value saying “hey, you know how we pretend that this is a space where we respect everyone and are open to new ideas? Can we be that?”
Several times I’ve been silenced. Literally hundreds of times I’ve seen others silenced while trying to have the same conversation.
The silence is the lie. It insists upon itself.
It’s time to be loud.