This is a little different version of the last post I made. Most of my students are NOT going to graduate school. Most of them are leaving academia to be in a field. For any who aren’t, this is a more visceral, personal list of ten things. These are the things I would tell myself on my graduation day looking back from now. These are the things no one told me.
- Adults don’t really know what they’re doing any better than you do, at least not anymore. When I was in times of crisis, and I had a number of them in my early career, I would look to the adults, my elders, as is my cultural understanding. I learned, too late, something I want to just tell all of you right now. I’m 40 years old and I can write the shit out of things. I can talk about how a game works. I can do political rhetorical work and I can talk about race and class and storytelling. Outside of those things, I will do my best to share advice with you, but I am NOT an expert on much of anything else. If you need to buy a car, for the love of god do not take my advice. Other than me giving you the advice to find someone who understands major automotive purchases. I bought my last car by this process: 1) is it blue? 2) can I afford it? 3) is it blue, tho? 4) Does it get good gas mileage? 5) Is it blue, dawg? 6)Let’s get it! That I don’t drive around on a pair of metallic blue roller skates is a small miracle.
- Trust your sense of right and wrong even when the world doesn’t validate it. Most of you are better people than the average person. There’s an old quote, a weird mistranslation of Marx: a person is smart, but people are stupid. That’s entirely true. The bystander effect is real. So is the GoP. Don’t give up on your beliefs, but be ready to hide them in your jacket. If something feels wrong, though– it’s wrong. And you’ll have to deal with feeling that way for a long time.
- People will never like you for acting like them or doing what they want you to do. They will only like you if doing what they like is what you wanted to do. So don’t try so fucking hard.
- Related, it’s okay for people to not like you. So if someone doesn’t like you, let it go.
- Also related, it’s okay to not like some people. There are people who are, as has become my catchphrase on this blog, “huge pieces of shit.” Don’t feel bad if you notice that and choose to not like someone. It’s okay. Don’t go abuse them or insult them, but I give you the permission to dislike someone. It’s cool. Even if it’s me.
- If you feel like an impostor that’s because you’ve bought into other people’s fake constructions of themselves. The impostor syndrome is a real problem, but it’s not a real thing. You can’t be an impostor at being yourself. Really. I mean if you created a fraudulent identity, yes. Don’t go all The Americans on it. But if you are doing the job you were hired to do, are being the friend you were meant to be, you can’t be doing that wrong.
- Anyone who looks like they have it all together is just better than you are at hiding the fact they they’re juggling knives faster and with higher dexterity saves than you. No one has it all together. That’s the biggest myth ever. If you ever need proof, go to a major academic conference. Find the most well respected scholar on a topic. Ask to see their notes for their talk the next day. It’s not done. Usually it hasn’t even been started. They’ll be making powerpoint slides at 3 am in their hotel room. Because no one has their shit together. That’s not the human condition.
- You aren’t better than anyone, but no one is better than you, so it all evens out. Be humble, but don’t let people walk all over you. We all live. We’re all going to die. In the middle we all either hate Tom Brady or jump on the bandwagon. Don’t act like you’re hot shit, but don’t take the same treatment from others. Wearing a power suit doesn’t mean a bully isn’t a bully. Protect your lunch money and be wedgie free.
- You can be the President of the United States if you want to. As long as you were born here, but even if you were born here and some people don’t believe you were. I mean it’s low bar Thursday in Washington.
- If you’re angry sometimes, congratulations, you’re alive. You shouldn’t feel bad if things piss you off. It just means you’re paying attention. There are some bad, bad things happening in this world. You shouldn’t be complacent. It’s okay to have ruffled feathers. Just use that anger productively.
Live every day like it’s the day the revolution came. Because it should be.
Kick the ass of anyone who tells you that you don’t kick ass.