The last year has been bizarre. In America, politically, things have become more and more and more contentious. Our government is currently in a state of shutdown. I’m not sure how fast that will be corrected. Maybe before I finish this post. Maybe weeks.
It leaves me reflecting on something. Today, I read through a student-written script for a show we’ll be creating next semester (yes, in addition to being a video game professor I also dabble in creating films; the dream is a thing that I live). Part of the theme of the script is the arrogance of a male gamer. He’s likable, which is important, but he’s still… very arrogant.
And that’s common for gamers. It’s common for game discourse. It’s also common for academic discourse, and for political discourse.
It tool me back to a moment a little over a year ago. I wrote and submitted a piece for publication that had a cheeky title. It asked a question, and one half of the question (if it were to be the answer) was degrading. One of the editors opened the response comment by proclaiming that the piece was that degrading thing. Nothing constructive to back it up– just a snipe to open a page of comments.
It also reminded me of a moment late last academic year when I decided to stand my ground on something and was told I was being unprofessional– told this in a most alarming and disrespectful way, particularly given that the advice wasn’t correct, since I’d been a little pushy but well within decorum. As I have come to learn one must be polite, but no one gives a damn about the person who never picks a battle. You have to stand for something, the cliche goes, or you fall for everything.
Why do I mention these seemingly random things?
Because I’m building a theory. We live in the era of the asshole.
I grew up fat, poor and Indian. Each of those things brought its own form of ridicule. So for the early part of my life (until around my senior year of high school) sharp insults were a daily thing from my peers and from older people. In college, much of that stopped, though it takes on new insipid forms as you get older. These days most of the rudeness I experience isn’t from “normal” folk but is rather from back-biting people within my profession. It’s weird.
I don’t mention that out of any desire for sympathy. I don’t feel that bad about it and I don’t need anyone to cry for me. I mention it because it builds an ethos for what I’m trying to say. I know assholes. I’ve been treated rudely and mocked relentlessly numerous times in my life.
It hasn’t been until this year, though, that it has seemed commonplace in the world.
In some ways, I get it. Many of us are mad. I’m mad at the world. I can’t believe the political mess that has become of America, I can’t believe the way people make their politics personal, and I’m more than a little concerned for the youth of America.
But I want to share a secret with any young person that might read this post: you can get by in this world without being a huge dick.
I mentioned before that I’ve faced ridicule. I mentioned, as well, that I’m pretty politically and morally angry at my country and our leadership. Much like Mark Ruffalo’s Hulk in the Avengers, I control my anger by being angry all the time. It’s a weird zen. But I can be caring and compassionate because I never let go of the fact that at any time I could go on a tirade of massive proportion and be fully justified.
Could. Not should. Not will.
There is no value in those tirades 90% of the time.
I see so many people reacting out of anger and selfishness because they’re upset and scared and up against a wall.
But what if I told you that if you were kind, if you expressed your concern without having to belittle others, you’d actually get somewhere?
I understand why people would be mad. I’m glad to offer a hug or a fist bump or to raise a defiant clinched fist to the sky. I listen to my protest music loud. I write blog posts like this one.
And don’t get it twisted. Growing up being insulted constantly, I can turn on the burners and blow just about anyone out of the box if the goal is to make cutting, incisive attacks (I was told once by a friend in graduate school– who crossed me by insulting Julie– that after my response to him it was clear I was “the most cruel person” he had “ever met.”). If we start trying to hurt each other with words, I will win.
But there’s no reason to use that anger on people who are in this with you. There’s no reason to be a jackass on social media, to yell at someone who disagrees with you politically in a coffee shop. There’s no reason to make a scene.
Anger is a hard thing to reap benefits from. But I promise you this much is true: while it might LOOK like it due to who is President of the United States, being a huge asshole is not a way to get ahead.
Think more. Speak less.
Carry your anger like a sword, but leave it in the sheath until it’s time for war.
Open your arms to the people around you.