The Five Simple Rules to Being Safely Sort of Transparent but Still Vaguely Opaque Online from a Person Who Studies this Stuff
1. Before sharing something, I ask myself “Will anyone care?” If the answer is no, the post is probably not something I need to make. This could mean it’s too personal (e.g. “I hate Tom Brady’s smug face.”), too abstract or disconnected (e.g. “Sometimes, man, I just don’t know.”) or a photo of my unremarkable food or my twisted face in front of something that isn’t interesting to see. If I know that few if any people will care, I avoid tormenting my friends and followers. One of the worst sins we commit on social media is wasting the time and attention of our friends.
2. I might be thinking it right now, but do I want someone to know I was thinking this later? The internet is NOT a place where things go away. I often relate this rule to a friend I had in high school. He was older, and his father ran an arcade. One weekend, he got the Mortal Kombat dragon tattooed on his arm. In the moment… whew boy! That was one SICK tattoo. He was the man. Now he’s 46, and he has slightly wrinkly bright red and orange misshapen dragon on his arm that only like one in fifteen people recognize. Seemed smart at the time! If you’re about to post some great inside joke that no one will get in the morning, or worse could be taken the wrong way… just f’ing stop, dude. Do you even lift?
3. Very closely related: is this too personal? We all suffer personal and emotional pain. Sometimes we share it rhetorically, or we just share it karmically. But sometimes we also have to ask ourselves hard questions. Perhaps, in fact, your office mate is a tool. Maybe he brought a big block of cheese to work, carved pieces off it with a pocket knife to eat, and left cheese dust and a big gash in your desk. Maybe he spilled his weird probiotic smoothie on your jacket. Maybe you really want to call him “Douchenugget” on the list-serv.
How’s that going to feel tomorrow, when everyone has calmed down and you have to explain popping off on someone you will see every day for the rest of your time in that office? Sure, you got some likes and some in-the-moment sympathy, but you cemented yourself as the jerk in the relationship, and everyone online can see it.
4. Is it any of my business? Are two of your friends fighting? Did someone say something stupid in the staff meeting? That’s too bad. But you know what you aren’t? Gossip Girl. STFU and keep your nose clean before you become known as the person who burns bridges, can’t keep a secret, and tries to wedge the “I” in team.
And the one I swear will set you free…
5. Would I say this out loud? If you wouldn’t… just stop. None of us are really transparent. We learn socially when it’s okay to share and when it’s not the best idea. For example, my wife and I had dinner with my colleague/friend/my boss and his wife the other night. We let as loose as people let loose around friends, but even though I know my boss would go to bat for me and would support whatever I deemed was right, I’m still not going to share every little thought that pops into my head. And trust me– I’m more apt to share that sort of thing than most because sometimes I get so exasperated with the world (politically, mostly, be that local, national or global) and I have a moment of “I am the one who knows what is morally and logically right” where I just spit.
But I know better. And you do, too. If you just trust yourself. You know when you’re about to say something stupid. There’s no reason to ignore that training on a social network. Don’t hide behind your Twitter feed; in the end you won’t look brave, you’ll look like a coward who abuses social media. Get in front of it. All of it.